I find it so very hard to say goodbye when you are still so much apart of everything around me. I see you in my sisters eyes as she wipes the tears away, she will carry you in her heart forever as you were the one who got her. I see you in my mom as she tries to be so strong but is broken hearted. I see your love around her like an old blanket trying to keep her together.
I feel you in my mind telling me Sweetie we are okay, this is okay. As I drove home Wednesday all I could think about was that I would not say goodbye, you would not do it to us for these past few months so I will not be doing it either. I will follow your lead and say We will see you soon.. but till then know I will miss you tremendously, I will speak of you often and tell stories of you to anyone who will listen.
As I left mom on Wednesday I thanked her, I thanked her for bring you into our lives! You touched every single person you met and somehow reminded them that life was about being kind to each other, being a good friend and to work hard.
Dawn told me two things this week that I found special. First she said you can go through your life and never love fully, that way if the person or people in your life go you will never have to hurt BUT we decided that is not how we live, and I would rather feel this pain and know I loved you that much then to have not loved you properly and feel nothing!
Second she said there are two types of people, First people go through their lives and when it is done they have touched a few lives, or there are people like you who touched so many lives all around the world with your love, friendship and amazing nature. Now that is a legacy..
As I sat with mom well she called your friends and family, I knew the pain they were each feeling as they got the news, I knew they too were wishing for just one more visit, one more fishing trip, morning coffee, or like Rob and I to flip through the flyer's with you. But we had to let you go. We had to let you go and be free. Free to be with your son, free to be with all the animals who have loved you over the years. Free to fish, boat and enjoy!
You have taught me so much about many things but mostly you taught me that life is for living.. so as hard as it is if you see me smiling and laughing, playing with my kids, hugging my friends and family, and creating new memories please know I am doing it in tribute to you and the lessons you taught me.
I could not have loved you more, you could not have loved me more and my little family is bless for every second you spent with us.
Thanks Bert.. I love you and we will see you soon!