Still Alive(I think)

Holy Crap! Yeah is it Tuesday it feels like it should be December.. We are alive all of us here in Gundryland. Bare with me as this post will be point form as I am doing it with one eye closed.

~Cried Nope not till today when I thought of Miss Lovely being at daycare till 5 on her birthday.. ahhh tears streaming down one open eye now..

~First day back was like walking into your childhood home but a different family was there?? Strange but still felt like home. Thank god for my girl Lindsay who took good care of me!

~Kids have not skipped a beat.. Toad is just movin forward going where I drive him and Lovely well other then being shattered by bed she is doing fine..

~Momma sure lost her morning groove but I will get it back and I will beat the morning rush(insert eye of the tiger music).

~Today at Lunch I told Lindsay she was eating like a real big girl and I was happy to see I didn't have to clean up anything after our lunch. Plus she didn't come to the table scream and say I DON'T WANT THIS FOR LUNCH... strange really.

~Tired Oh Hell Yeah...

~ It's a good thing I sit on my ass all day cuss I don't get to sit down again till 9 at my night job.

~I am glad to be back at work ..shhhhhhhh

~ I have not lost it totally.. I need a bit more time but I feel like my brain may have a chance.

~Big school sends home a lot of homework. For parents

~ Witching hour just got a whole lot worse up in da joint.

~I miss my friends !!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ New fave drivin song ....

Two days down and I have survived droppin my daughter off for the first time, I have survived 2 days in heels, I have made 7 lunches, 3 breakfast, and 3 dinners. I have heard my kids laugh still and seen them both smile. And so far none of us has died of a broken heart.

Think we may just be okay here.

A note from my mom to me and from me to JL

4 years ago I got this email from my mom, it was the night before I went back to work from mat leave with the Toad. It meant the world to me cuss I felt like noone knew how I was feeling but this showed me there was people out there that got it. My mom once felt this way about my sister and I. I have since shared this with many mom's returning to work and today is not just a hard day for me but for my buddy JL and so girl this one is for you!! A huge hug is waiting for you tomorrow morning at work, if you can do the two flights of stairs to get to me.


This is what I know:

I know how difficult it will be to sleep tonight.
I know how difficult it will be tomorrow morning.
I know how difficult it will be to leave him.
I know how difficult it will be to drive away.
I know how difficult it will be to not to call every hour.
I know how difficult it will be to concentrate on your job.
But I know this:
How wonderful it will feel to drive home, knowing what a good a job you did today and how good it will feel to have him in your arms again.
I know how it will feel putting him to sleep to awaking to another wonderful day.
And this is what I know:
You are the best parent any child could ever have and he is blessed.
You will continue to do the very best for this child every step of the way.
And I know this :
Your little boy(it said toad) is a very fortunate child and has had a wonderful (almost) year with his mommy!
Hang in there JL!!

Good To Know

Happy Saturday!!! T minus 2 sleeps till this Momma goes back to work..keep playing the following saying over and over again in my head. "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" and that last beginning was one of my life's greatest pleasures, so yeah tears will fall....

So some things from the past week that I wanted to share.....

~Lovely seems to not be a huge fan of Bayfield.. may all be a bit too much for her.

~Accidental Traditions are fun!

~Time goes by faster when you want it to slow down...

~Letting your kids venture off alone is the hardest thing I have EVER done..

~ I am not a stable person this week... ahhh too many big things this week thank you

~ He's a big toad now..

~There are minutes, hours , days that I can't wait to go back to work.... then they do something to pull me back in.

~xoxo Ashley xoxoxoxoxo

~So my husband told me to not cry on Sunday but to instead enjoy the day! hmmmm easy to say hard to do..

~ Kids I have loved my year with you both, I have had some hard days (which you will get once you have kids) but I have loved it more then you will ever know.. xoxox thanks guys xoxoxo it was a good run!

Well this girl is off to enjoy the day with the kidlets and my hubby!

Top Five

Happy Friday Everyone!!! Our new adventure is just around the corner here in the Gundry house and I am sure your all sick of hearing about it by now but it is our life and kinda big to me :)

So my Top five today is Top five things I have loved about this past year. This past year brought with it great highs and great lows, it showed our family how much you need each other. This past year we have said hello to someone so lovely and cast off to someone so special. We have cried a lot, but we have laughed a lot too. So picking 5 things I have loved was a bit hard. I have been thinking of this post for weeks.

Here we go....

1. I have LOVED watching this relationship grow

Most people see how Camryn reacts to Jax and I do love to see her light up when he enters the room or see how excited she gets when we pull up at daycare.  But I know our Toad and he is in love. She had him at first glance. This is for sure number 1 because it has to be the great joy of my life. I feel so blessed to know that Rob and I have given these kids such an awesome gift. Each Other.



2. I have loved being able to make new memories in our new house. The kids and I have been able to fully use the house, enjoy each room and begin making new memories.

3. I have loved the time with our friends and family. From my long morning chats with Amanda and Pauline to play dates and fun with Nikki and Marion. I have been blessed to enjoy this time with friend and family. I have been able to visit and see my work peeps JL and Steph and get to know their sweet boys. I really have LOVED this time off and being able to spend it with so many awesome people. But hands down our fave memories from this past year were spent with our fam jam my aunt and her kids. These memories will be tucked away in my heart for life. THANK YOU ALL for the best year of memories, yummy coffees , cold beers and laughter.

4. Being Relaxed. Well a bit more at least.. I have loved not starting our morning with a mad rush out the door or ending our day with a mad dash to get dinner and bath done in time. I have loved the lazy mornings and chilled afternoons. I have loved some naps on the couch and fun in the sun. I have loved being able to sit and watch my kids rather then rush them about. Starting Monday weekends will mean so much more to me..

5. Lovely! If not for you this year would not be and our family would be missing its final member. Lovely we waited a long time to have you and know for sure it was for a reason.. You were not ready to join us yet. You have added such joy and love to our hearts and family. Your scrunched up smile lights up my day, the way you wake up smiling and seem to find great joy in small simple things is amazing. I feel blessed to have had a year to get to know you and look forward to the future I know you will grow into such an amazing little girl. xoxoxoxo

enjoy your weekend and hug those people important to you a bit longer.. Life is short and to anyone who speaks to me on Sunday I am sooo sorry for the uncontrollable crying in advance.

Tales of a JK Nothing

What did you like most about your first day?
EVERYTHING!

Toad had an amazing first day of school, he loved everything about it! I went to pick him up at the bus stop, I chatted with other mom's and could hardly wait to hear about this day.
The bus rounded the corner, the door opened and who was first off but the Toad, he had no coat on , no hat on and no backpack but he had the HUGEST smile on his face.

I walked up and said where is your backpack? He turned to go back up but as you would guess 20 other older kids were trying to get down. He yelled up I don't have my backpack!

A older girl passed it down to him, which got him moving to the relief of the older kids all rolling their eyes and desperate to get home after a long day of school. I said where is your hat? And coat? He looked around confused but then came Andrew his little daycare buddy now bus buddy with his hat and told me his coat was in the backpack.

I looked back at the Toad but he was gone, he was over talking to Lovely in her stroller. He was screaming he was so excited, Camryn I was at BIG SCHOOL, I had soo much fun I have new friends I love Big school.... energy oooozing out of his little body.

We headed home to meet dad, as we got in the car I grabbed his backpack and noticed he did not have anything to drink all day.

Me-Toad did you not want something to drink today?
Toad- NO I did but I couldn't get it open.
My heart broke for a second. My baby needed help but he didn't ask for it :( 
Me-oh gosh buddy you have to ask for help. Big boys ask for help
Toad-THEY DO ??
Me- look at daddy he is a big boy right? and mom has to helps him all the time right? ZING!

He had that juice done by the time we got home.  Poor kid was dying of thirst.

We tried desperately to get him to tell us some stories and fun things he did but he just kept saying that he loved it all and that he had fun and didn't want to come home. Good enough I guess.
But then it happened we were getting some pizza for dinner and he said that a little boy in his class got in a lot of trouble today.

Here we go, a little bit of gossip, Rob and I asked why? He continued to tell us and I said ya well mom is not surprised.
Later Rob asked me why I was not surprised and I said that is the same boy who arrived at meet the teacher on a leash..Good news for Jax is that he can not possible be the worst listener in the class with that little buddy there..

Ah gonna be a great year with lots of laughs and great stories...

Big Boy School

Dear Toad,

Well you did it buddy! Your nerves set in this morning but you sure didn't let it stop you. Your day was a bit bumpy to start, mom would not let you wear sweat pants to school on your first day so we had a bit of a fight. Dad stepped in and next thing I knew you were down stairs ready but nervous.  After a quick call from Grandma to say good luck you were off to get your back pack and head out.

Mom took this idea from a facebook friend(thanks Stephanie) but think it will be a new tradition on the first day of school

look at your mug bug.. still a bit scared about the bus you said. I didn't tell you then but mom was a bit scared too.

One final shot with my big boy before we hit the road

When we got to Granny Nanny you ran in to see the other big boys, they were all excited to have you join them and your buddy Andrew from daycare told you it was okay to be scared but that he would help you (melt mom's heart and made me tear up). It is amazing how sweet and kind you kids are to each other.

One shot of you and your new crew and off we went to the bus stop. Dad drove with Camryn cuss it was raining pretty hard.

As I watched you walking with a backpack and umbrella I could not believe it, where had the 4 years gone? Was I there for it all? Did I miss something how could you be old enough to be doing this? I struggled with tears the whole way, I know you want this and I know you are desperate to be big but on the other side I am desperate to slow down time.
I am desperate to keep you safe and save you from the hardships that go with being a big boy.
I am desperate to give you all the info and tips to help  you and am afraid I have scared you or over loaded you.
I am desperate to hold onto this moment, but as we walked I saw it happen. Right there on the sidewalk you slipped away to the next step of your life and I have to let your hand go.. I have to step back and enjoy the view from behind you. I have to enjoy stories and not be there for them. I have to pick you up when you fall but not stop the fall from happening. Your gonna rock at this but I may take a bit to get there...

Enjoy this stuff Jax , feel nervous cuss that means your excited, try new things and do them well but most of all listen to your inner voice it will always tell you what is right and what is wrong.. Love you buddy xoxox and the view from back here is pretty good so far

Can't wait to hear about the day!!

Love Mom

I tossed it out there and it Stuck..

For the past few weeks I have been talking to the Toad about the hot topic in our house, school. He is so excited and ready to move up to big school BUT I wanted him to know some kids aren't.

I have told him a bunch of times that if he a kid on the first day is having some trouble go over and introduce yourself and ask ask them to play.

Like many thinks I say to him I feel like he is A not listening or B. just trying to be quiet so I will stop talking and he can get back to playing. 
SO I say things over and over again in hopes that something may stick.

Well this morning Lovely and I went to drop him off at Daycare as he has a staggered start for school and when we arrives Miss Joan told Jax that there was a new kid and pointed over to the book area. Well mister ran over and said (this is a quote )

"Hi My name is Jax I was scared on my first day but then I made friends like D and P and now I am not scared here. You will make friends too."

The kid turned to Jax and said

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

God I love kids! Hey and something stuck!!!!

Big boy school tomorrow!!!

Hats off to Summer

My Family has been know to take an object and have a bunch of people wear it,pose with it or just have some fun with it. This past long weekend it was my nieces safari hat.

Some of my fave shots....

my sista

thanks sweet Ella for letting us use your hat

my hubby

holy the boys of Jersey Shore were there!!

the band was good sports too

big chugged

sisters man getting it a bit wet

out in the woods

the kids went gangsta with it..

Reason 14584357349839 why I love my family!!!

Tired, Stressed and so are my kids

I know when you have a new baby they tell you to relax cuss the baby feels your stress, I think 4 and almost 1 year old do too. My kids are crabby and crying a lot and out of sorts.. I think 100% it cuss of me but you tell me what you think.

In an attempt to get stuff done and be everything to everyone I tend to spread us a bit thin and jam 20 things into 24hrs and sometimes we get tripped up by my super mom cape.

I am so tired from my year of up at nights + my non stop thinking and planning when i should be sleeping that I have a fuse about as small as Lovely pinkie.

I cry ALL the time about EVERYTHING cuss it maybe the "last" time I see it... Please know I am aware that on September 12th i don't actually die rather just return to work.

I think it is time to put those big girl underpants on and enjoy my last 7 days, hug those shrimps and the big guy a lot , spend time with my friends the girls who have got me through the year , my fam jam the support and reason why I know this going back to work is going to work. And Drink a lot!

hang in there Lovely and Toad momma will be fine in 9 days. Just have to get that first day out of the way! PROMISE..

Meet the Teach

So to say the Toad has been excited to meet his teacher would be an understatement. I had to answer the question how many more days so much that I finally just put a calendar and pen on his door and let him count it down. So yesterday morning when he woke up he freaked he screamed ONE MORE SLEEP!!

Last night when Camryn and I picked him up at daycare he was a bit warm, I thought it was cuss he had just came in from outside, WRONG.. You guessed it he was sick... the poor kid who never slows down asked me to stop reading him books cuss he wanted to go to sleep.. I should have know he was in bad shape.

After a long night of me in bed with him and him really not well we awoke to ... a happy boy with no fever!! YIPPPEE we get to go meet my teacher today he yelled (at 430am) I assured him he was right but that it was not time to get up yet. Rob was of course up for work so Jax had to arrange with him a few last minute details.. Dad you need to drive and help us work as a team to find my room... AHHHH I love this kid (not so much at 430 am)...

So off we went this afternoon, we dropped Lovely off at Granny Nanny and the three of us drove to big boy school.. Jax was pumped.. He was vibrating in the back he could hardly handle the excitement.

We met Mrs. C and played in his classroom, gym, library,met the principle and even got to play with his best buddy on the playground. It was a great day he had a blast.. It was so great to see him get excited and watch him start a new part of his life. (insert tears for mom)..

As the three of us left I stopped at the school sign and looked around and said well Toad you sure have a pretty awesome school at the same moment Rob said oh.. I don't think they want the kindergarden kids to see this! Bent down and picked up something. I had to know what it was so he opened his hand to reveal a Vegas strip card.. If you have ever been to Vegas you know that those cards have FULL on naked women on it and so did this one... Rob and I burst out laughing.. So today we learnt what room Jax is gonna be in, that his school has a hidden playground and Las Vegas sescorts has a $69 special with Emily. Gonna be a great year with tons of new adventures, laughter and funny ass stories!!


Toad and Rob in his Classroom with his teacher...